I grew up the youngest of three kids in a Christian family who was very involved in church. When I was four, I was diagnosed with ADD/ADHD and was medicated. It made me feel like I wasn’t normal. It planted a seed that I was different. Then, at age seven, my entire world stopped when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. I didn’t fully understand what was happening, but I knew that cancer wasn’t a good thing. While my mom was going through treatments, my 14 year old sister took care of my brother and me. It completely changed the dynamic of our family. I felt a lot of anger, hatred, and resentment towards my mom for her sickness. At the same time, I was being bullied at school and started getting depressed. By the beginning of middle school, I was so angry that I started having fits of rage and major mood swings. When I started high school, I got into a really unhealthy friendship. It eventually became physically violent. I ended that friendship my junior year, while I was in the midst of the darkest depression of my life. At the end of this year, I started dating a guy. I thought he was perfect. For a while he was such a gentleman, and his family loved me—but then he started showing his anger and started forcing sex on me. I thought our relationship was normal, but it wasn’t. In the middle of our relationship, I started having panic and anxiety attacks. Our relationship also caused a lot of problems in my family. We were together for three years, during which we got engaged. When he broke up with me, I was devastated. I didn’t know who I was, and I was completely heartbroken. I sunk into a severe depression and started having manic episodes. I would have really high “highs” and really low “lows,” where I would either feel all of my pain or be completely numb. To deal with the emotional numbness, I started self-harming. I began taking lots of painkillers for a kidney failure and severe back pain, and I overdosed twice. When I turned 21, I started drinking even though I knew I could die because of the effects it would have on my kidneys. It became clear very quickly that I couldn’t control my drinking. If I was upset or depressed, I would drink. It became my identity. My drinking ended up causing me a lot of problems. I almost lost my job, and I was hurting those closest to me. I was in complete denial. I didn’t think that I had a problem.

I found out about Mercy through Francesca Battistelli’s music video for “He Knows My Name”. I decided to apply after hearing all the stories from the girls in the video. Their stories were so similar to mine, and I knew I needed to come. When I arrived, I was very quiet and felt completely helpless. I thought I was going to be miserable forever.

At Mercy, I was loved back to life by the residents and staff, but ultimately by Jesus. When I first got to Mercy, I was filled with so much guilt and shame. I felt like after all the things I’d done, why would God want me? I once asked my counselor, “How is Jesus going to keep me sober?” But now I realize, He’s the only way. I no longer feel the pain of my past or the guilt and shame surrounding my past choices. I’m free from my addiction to alcohol and all the pain from the abuse.

God has replaced my shame and guilt with peace. He tells me that I am always loved and cherished. I’ve that learned He is the only thing that will ever satisfy me. There is no life without Him. He is everything I will ever need.

After Mercy, I want to spend time with my family and settle back into life. Eventually, I want to go to college to either be a worship leader or a fashion designer. I want to enjoy this amazing season of healing that God has given me!

Everything Mercy donors have contributed to Mercy, whether it is time or financial donations, has helped me find true freedom. I will be forever grateful for the environment that has been created because of their generosity.