I have struggled with shame all my life. I never felt good enough. I didn’t feel like I got the love I craved from my parents growing up, so I looked to online relationships. When that just added to my shame, I turned to cutting. I was incredibly alone and full of shame. After I graduated from high school, my self-harm got worse, and I became incredibly depressed. I turned to drinking to escape my emotions. After texting my friend one night. I was taken to the hospital for a week for suicidal ideations. When I got out of the hospital, I was kicked out of school, and I moved back in with my parents. I felt useless, and I was angry I was still alive. I attempted suicide, but I woke up the next day. No one even knew I’d tried to kill myself until a week later. I felt like I was living life, just waiting around to die.
I heard about Mercy Multiplied from my friend. And I started the application process a week later. I decided to apply because I knew I needed residential care, and I didn’t know where else to go. I wouldn’t be able to afford a treatment center. When I arrived I was moody, mean, and downcast. I hurt others with things that I said in sarcasm, and I was distant and hard-hearted. I didn’t want to surrender to God, and I didn’t expect Mercy to help me.
Through my time at Mercy, certain circumstances really forced me to pursue God. He showed me that He really could change me and that He did love me! As I began to pray and process my suicide attempt with staff, God showed me that He didn’t let me die for a purpose.
God opened my heart to love and to truly receive love from others. He helped me to build relationships based on love. I’ve learned how to connect with my emotions and that they don’t rule me. I am in charge of how I feel. I know that God loves me, and He sees me. I am alive now and not just living.
After graduating from Mercy, I will be moving back with my parents and going to school to study Marketing and Communications in the summer. I hope to one day be a photographer for a large ministry or church or on the mission field. I want to give back with the gift God has given me.
There aren’t enough words to say how thankful I am to those that support Mercy. I have been given the chance to live!