Sydney

I grew up with a lot of insecurity and anxiety. Starting in kindergarten, I experienced bullying, and I was left out a lot. I began to compare myself to other girls really early on, and seeds of self-hatred were planted quickly. During junior high and into high school, my anxiety intensified and depression set in. I struggled with a legalistic view of God and felt helpless and lonely. I didn’t have many friends, and that small number grew even fewer in high school. Halfway through high school, one of my cousins was involved in the bullying. Things escalated very quickly, and soon, family, friends, church, and school communities were involved. I felt betrayed and misunderstood. This broke any remaining trust I had for people. After having suicidal feelings, I entered the hospital, but it was unsuccessful. Soon after this, I was sexually assaulted by a friend. This led to my first real suicide attempt. It failed, but the suicidal tendencies did not go away. I got involved in inappropriate relationships with guys from school that made me feel pretty and wanted – things I had never felt before. I was coerced into doing things with them that I did not want to do. During this time, I was also emotionally eating and purging. I couldn’t afford to keep up my habits, so I began stealing food. After getting away with this for so long, I also began shoplifting clothes and shoes. Soon I had stolen thousands of dollars worth of things. I was eventually caught at a grocery store, so I stopped shoplifting. Soon after, my grandpa, who was very important to me, was diagnosed with cancer. It was very hard on me, but since I had numbed my emotions for so long, I didn’t know how to express that. While my grandpa was sick, I was sexually abused again by another friend. When I tried to reach out to people for help, they convinced me that my abuse was something that “just happened” and that it was funny. I sank deeper and deeper into depression. A fight with a friend was the last straw, and I attempted suicide again. My family found me, and I spent more time in the hospital. Things didn’t improve. Shortly after I began my application to Mercy, my cousin died in a very tragic work accident. This finally made me see that I needed to get help.

Some friends and previous Mercy graduates reached out to my mom when they heard about how I was doing. My mom waited for the right time to tell me about Mercy, and I began the application after my second stay in the hospital. When I arrived, I was very much in denial. I thought I could do everything on my own, and I didn’t trust God at all. I had a lot of hurt and fear that kept me shut down.

When I finally decided to submit to the will of God, things began to change. I was able to trust the counselors and other girls at the home. I felt less pressure to do things on my own, and I felt more supported. When God first began to reveal Himself to me, my heart really changed. Soon I was able to make relationships, have self-confidence, and feel actual, real joy. The biggest turning point was when I considered leaving the program, but God told me to stay! When I obeyed Him, I experienced the most progress.

God gave me my life back while I was at Mercy! I have never felt the kind of peace and joy that I feel today. I see now that all of His promises are for me, even the ones that I have a hard time believing. I know that He loves me and that He never leaves me. I actually have a relationship with Him now! He has healed me of paralyzing fears, mistrust, anxiety, loneliness, and more! I learned to pull down strongholds by renewing my mind with the Word of God each day. I learned to ask God for His help in all things and in all choices. I realized that I DO have a choice, and that I can choose life!

After Mercy, I plan to go back to school and pursue a degree. I hope to travel, especially to see Fashion Week in New York City. Someday I want to publish a book, and also write a blog or work in publishing. I plan to spend a lot of time with family and friends and make lots more relationships that honor God. I want to be a godly wife and mother someday, but also have lots of spiritual children. I’m looking forward to fulfilling whatever God calls me to do for Him.

Thank you Mercy donors for all of your support. Everything that I’ve experienced at Mercy would be just an idea without you. It’s now an amazing reality because of you! I never thought I would be where I am today, much less alive! Words cannot express how grateful I am. Your obedience to God and your love has changed my life and the lives of so many other girls. Thank you!!