Rebekah – 2015 Graduate

I grew up in a Christian home that had a lot of dysfunction. There were extreme highs and lows, and I never felt good enough or knew what to expect in my home. I learned about God and the Bible and memorized scripture, but I did not know my identity in Him or who He really is. My life looked a lot like a roller coaster as I encountered mental, emotional, physical, verbal, sexual and spiritual abuse which caused an unwanted “double life.” I constantly struggled with self-hatred, shame, guilt and condemnation. I never told anyone about my sexual abuse, and in turn I became very sexually promiscuous at a young age. Over the years I developed many different addictions to fill the voids I felt and cover the pain I carried. I also found some comfort in harming myself and restricting food. I vowed I would die from anorexia when I was in high school, and I struggled with bulimia from my teens on. I attempted suicide countless times. Despite all that I had been through, God helped me. I always came running back to Him, and He always accepted me! Then I would fall back into my old ways. After getting married I quickly learned the importance of being evenly yoked on a spiritual level with my husband. We faced several years of strife, infidelity, deception and pain in our marriage. God continued to tell me to stay and work on my marriage for my family. After a particularly deep deception, I stopped seeking God for anything and everything. Deep down I blamed Him for not protecting me and not caring about me. I wanted nothing to do with God, although I didn’t know how to live without Him. I went into “survival mode,” going through the motions of life on autopilot. I don’t remember much of the next year and a half. I was so deeply depressed that I didn’t even realize that I was depressed.

I didn’t have any life in me to give, and I made a plan to end my life, but instead I called Mercy. I knew about the program because my friend from high school works for Mercy. I decided to apply because it was literally my last option! I found out during the application process that I was pregnant with my third child. In hindsight, being pregnant with my son actually helped saved my life by giving me motivation to live. When I first arrived I was sad, depressed and full of lies. I was determined to get all that I could from every teaching and counseling time that I had. I was ALL IN because I wanted to be the mom my boys needed and deserved! I had chosen to be away from my kids for a short time in order to be with them forever.

During my time at Mercy, the biggest turning point was a speaker who reminded me that our battle is not against flesh and blood. The enemy had deceived me into thinking that my husband was the problem for so long, when really the enemy was the problem. I was fighting the wrong battle the whole time! I also realized that my husband and my marriage were an idol for so many years. I cared more about him and our marriage than God. Anything that comes before God is an idol, so I repented and became so free.

I learned a lot while at Mercy. I learned the importance of having goals. Without vision we wander around aimlessly! I discovered so many things about God, myself and life. I also learned about safe people and boundaries. I had even more breakthrough as I walked through forgiveness.

After graduating from Mercy I am looking forward to going home and spending time with my two sons! I will also be giving birth to my third son, Micah, shortly after! I have a job lined up working in a salon. I want to get connected in my church and help others become free. I want to complete a children’s book series that my husband and I began last year. I also want to go on mission trips and go wherever God leads.

I want to tell all the Mercy supporters that I was so incredibly blessed by this opportunity to go to Mercy! I have a hard time finding the words to express how grateful and thankful that I am. If I hadn’t come to Mercy, I would be dead, my kids wouldn’t have a mom, and hundreds of people that I am called to reach wouldn’t hear my testimony or come to know the power of God like I know it! It is so worth all that you give! Thank you so very much!