“Keys to Freedom has done so much for me. I started this study because I had hurt in my heart from a 5-year relationship that was physically and emotionally abusive. I was holding onto unforgiveness toward the person I was with, but even more toward myself, because my daughter went through this darkness with me. I was ashamed that I didn’t protect her from this. Through this study, God was showing me many things. I would see Him standing there with open arms, I know He wanted me to fully surrender my whole heart to Him, all my hurts. I kept pressing in more and saying, “I’m all in God, search my heart, and heal me from all my brokenness.” I was so tired of being weighed down with guilt, shame, fear, and unworthiness. The more I gave to Him, the more I felt I could breathe. I started to truly understand what having Christ’s authority meant. I am NOT a slave to fear, shame, or guilt. I have the authority to cast the enemy away. I was created for freedom! I always have a choice about who is welcome at “my house,” at the table in my head. Now I think, “Does this thought or action match up to God’s Word? If it was meant for good, then God’s Word will back it up.”
The biggest key for me was “Healing Life’s Hurts.” This is where God showed me that I wasn’t in this class for just the reason I mentioned at the beginning. God said, “It’s time to go deeper.” At that moment he put all the memories from my childhood in my mind that I put in a box and did not tell a soul about. It was like flashes of memories going 60 mph in my head and I began weeping like God was doing a washing of my soul. I was remembering being sexually abused by an older man a few times. Being beat by my mom’s boyfriends and stepdad. Being molested by my older brother’s friend. Being left in a driveway in the dark while my mom went into a house and was using. All these things happened when my mom was consumed in her addiction and my father was away in prison. I never truly remembered that part of my childhood from 4 years old until 13 years, because I shoved it in a boxed and put it on a shelf.
That night, God helped me bring it all to the surface and take the shame I felt. He put compassion in my heart to be able to get to a place of forgiveness. First, I always thought my dad never wanted to be a dad, which was why he was always away in prison. All I wanted was for him to come save me. God told me that my earthly father loved me, but he was hurting and was unable to be the father I needed. “But I am your Heavenly Father. I am always with you. I will always protect and never abandon you.” Through the compassion, He showed me that even though the hurt these people caused me was not okay, they went through pain in their lives which caused them to hurt me. I have begun to pray for them and my ex-boyfriend. I pray for their salvation, and I pray that they have come to ask for forgiveness. I have forgiven them for what they have done. If Jesus could bear that cross and take all that suffering for our sins, I have no right to hold anger or bitterness in my heart. I thank God for bringing this hurt out of my heart because I have so much more joy and happiness to fill it with. I have been able to forgive myself and know I am not a victim; I am a victor!! Every day, I choose God’s promises, rely on His Word to bring me through my day, and to fill my heart with joy and happiness. I choose faith over fear!!
One of the best things from this class is how curious my daughter was in what I was doing. She is 17 years old and she did witness a lot of darkness from my past relationship. She helped answer some questions from the study, or I would just answer and talk about the keys we were going through. I feel she was going through this journey right alongside me, finding her healing. Another blessing was that my older brother visited from Washington a few days after the class concluded. He went through a lot, if not more, of my mom’s addiction when we were little. When I was getting abused by my stepdad and the boyfriends, he was too. We have never discussed our childhood, but I knew we needed to share it. God was with us and being able to each share our story and be there for each other, crying together and feeling that healing come over us (especially him) was such a blessing, because now he’s not caring that weight any longer. If it wasn’t for this class, I would never have been able to share my testimony with my brother, and he would not have opened up to me and found healing for not only us as a family, but him. I am so thankful for the work God is doing in me and the new relationship I have with Him. I can do all things with Christ who strengthens me!!! Thank you for being such a Vessel in God’s Kingdom!! Thank you for giving me the tools so I can continue to live in Freedom!! I can’t wait to see what God has next for me.”
