Marie – 2014 Graduate

I grew up believing my family did not like me and that I was a shameful problem. I often felt awkward, “too big” or dominating, and like I couldn’t do anything right or good enough in relationships, school, sports, etc. Food was an easy satisfaction and mimicked the unconditional love and acceptance I desired. My emotional eating led me to develop bulimia in ninth grade. From middle school through my early twenties, I was depressed and suicidal. I felt like I did not have a voice, that I was worthless and beneath others, and that I was a burden if I did speak up or ask for things.

I first heard about Mercy about six years ago, but I didn’t want to go to an inpatient program. I tried other methods such as counseling, but eventually I was so tied up that I knew I needed to come to Mercy. I dragged out the process, still thinking I could figure out a way to “get fixed” myself, but then I realized I was not figuring ANYTHING out on my own.

When I first got to Mercy, I was untrusting, tired of relating to people, and sick of being me. I was also willing and wanting to change. Mercy has helped me face the grief of not getting the approval I wanted from family. God has stripped the layers of performance, people pleasing, and expectations I had for “how I had to be” in relationships. I am starting to learn to process my emotions and desires, knowing that I do not have to be ruled by them or carry them out. I have come to terms with the fact that I am not a bad, unlikeable person just because everyone may not like me. I started to get in touch with the unconditional, steady-support kind of love God has for me, and I have learned the importance of submission.

After graduation, I hope to take life slow and small. I am pursuing Christ first. He gives without it being a burden or a trap. I plan on returning to school and finishing my steps in Alcoholics Anonymous, then pursuing different passions like fashion as a career. I would like to travel the world, explore passions and inspirations, and see what else God has for me. I hope someday to get married and be a mother who loves and cherishes her family.

To the donors who have given to Mercy, you have changed my life and you don’t even know me. I have life running through my veins now because of your donations. Thank you so much. Those words are not enough, but thank you, thank you!