Lindsay – 2015 Graduate

I grew up in a dysfunctional home, and I was afraid of almost everything. My home environment was very unpredictable. I felt like I had to do whatever and be whoever people wanted me to be otherwise they would be angry or withdraw their love from me. Verbal and sexual abuse during my childhood produced even more fear in my life, and I began a lifetime struggle with hating my body. At the age of 11, I started struggling with anorexia and self-harm. I was also severely suicidal. Every day felt like a constant struggle to survive. Becoming a believer in Christ shortly before my 18th birthday gave me hope I had not experienced before, but I was ashamed when my issues didn’t go away. It didn’t matter whose fault I thought it was or in what city or state I lived in, nothing made me want to live. I started a season of hospital stays and mental health groups, but I kept getting worse and worse. I had no hope. I did anything to numb myself or forget who and what I thought I was. I was engaging in my eating disorder and self-harm behaviors, but on top of that, I also started a lifestyle of using alcohol, pills and sex to cope with hating myself and wanting to die.

I heard about Mercy from the band “Point of Grace” when I was 18. At that time I thought it sounded like an amazing place to work someday. While I knew I had my issues, I didn’t think they were severe enough for a place like Mercy. It wasn’t until a month before my 29th birthday that I realized I needed Mercy. I had just been released from the hospital, and I had no hope left to live. I was trying to waste time on Facebook, and a Mercy post popped up on my newsfeed. As soon as I saw it, I knew getting accepted to Mercy was for me a life or death issue. My struggles and sin were controlling my life, and I could not live another day wanting to die. When I arrived, I was dead inside. I felt relief that I was safe from myself, but I had no idea what to do with all the pain I was carrying.

A turning point for me at Mercy was when my counselor taught me how to listen for God’s voice, and I started to take intentional time to do that. The more I listened I grew in the confidence of recognizing His voice. His voice began to change everything! I also continued to speak truth even when I couldn’t see it with my physical eyes. As I aligned my words with God’s truth, it became my truth.

In my time at Mercy, God brought me from death to life. For the first time in my life I have a hope for the future, and I know that this hope cannot be taken from me. My hope is not in my performance, circumstances or my emotions. My hope is in knowing the God who created, saved and will continue to keep me. I now believe truth and speak truth. He is my good, good Father, and I know I am loved.

After graduation I am moving to pursue a Masters in Counseling. It has been in my heart for a long time to help other hurting women. My prayer is to someday work at a Mercy home as a counselor. I also want to begin writing the books I have on my heart, and I hope to have the first book published in a year.

Thank you so much to Nancy, all the Mercy staff, the donors, and prayer partners that make Mercy what it is today. Without their help, many lives would be lost. God has literally used Mercy to save my life, and I will be forever grateful! I am new!