I grew up as an only child in a Christian household. When I was seven, my parents separated and later divorced. I was too young to fully understand what was going on at the time, but the lifestyle and dynamic that the divorce created affected me much deeper than I knew or could recognize. I had to mature very quickly and adjust to a new, divided lifestyle of going back and forth between two houses. As an only child, I was very close to both of my parents, and I wanted to minimize the stress and pain from what I already saw them enduring. Both of my parents also worked a lot and had busy lives, which subconsciously made me feel abandoned and alone and reconfirmed the idea that I needed to take care of myself. What others saw as maturity and responsibility became an internal struggle with perfectionism and self-sufficiency as I grew up. By 7th grade, I developed anorexia and battled that for four years. I saw different secular counselors, but none of them ever led me to deal with the root issues in my heart rather than the surface behavior. My eating disorder continued to control my life, and it changed forms during my junior year of high school. I began struggling with binging and compulsive eating, along with patterns of hiding and isolating myself from others. For several years, I lived in these cycles of destructive and extreme behaviors that damaged me both physically and emotionally. I finally decided that I needed to get help when all my previous efforts to heal failed and I reached the end of myself.
I learned about Mercy through a friend of mine who graduated from the program. After we reconnected I could barely recognize her because she was much more stable and hopeful! I decided to take a leap of faith to fight for freedom in my own life after hearing about her transformation process. When I first arrived, I was desperate, hopeless, and empty. I was doubtful the program would work for me because I felt that I was too far along and trapped in destructive cycles that I had endured for several years. But, I was so tired of living in defeat that I was willing to risk giving Mercy a shot, despite my fears and doubts.
A major turning point during my time at Mercy was after my first month in the program. I really began to utilize scripture to fight my internal battles with fears. When I starting meditating on the Truth, I was empowered in a way that I had never experienced before, even in my Christian upbringing. Another major turning point was when God used a speaker in the home to really encourage me that He was using this season at Mercy to expose the root issues in my heart and to lead me into a new season of standing on the promises of His Word. A traumatic turning point in my life also happened during my stay at Mercy. During my second month in the program, I received news that my dad had committed suicide. Although this time was very difficult, it was also a pivotal turning point in my journey because it taught me to trust and rely on God in a way that I have never had to before. I learned how to depend on God in my darkest hours and turn to His Word for hope when there was nothing else.
Upon entering the doors of Mercy, God immediately began to restore my hope and desire for change through His Word. God really taught me how to anchor myself to the Truth and hold onto His promises. Speaking The Word out loud empowered me to overcome the lies and destructive thought patterns in my mind. Through this process of renewing my mind, I came to know my real identity in Christ, rather than the perfectionistic identity that I had created. God really demonstrated His faithfulness to me and taught me that my strength comes from depending on Him and His Spirit within me. Now, I have developed a daily practice of asking God for the grace to surrender my will and ambition to the guidance of His Spirit within my life. God also showed me the process He has begun of tearing down the walls of self-protection and isolation in my heart. He has taught me how much I need to rely on His grace and a community of safe people to heal and to become who He has created me to be. Now that I know the Truth and the power of choice, God is helping me to daily surrender to Him and to choose the life and freedom that I already possess in Christ.
After graduating from Mercy, I will be returning home for the summer to stay with my family before I move out of state to begin college. I plan to pursue my undergraduate degree, find a career that I am passionate about, and start a family someday.
To all the Mercy donors, thank you so much for making my journey to freedom possible! The time that I spent at Mercy has completely restored my hope and transformed my life. I am so grateful to have a renewed perspective in my walk with the Lord and new tools to continue fighting for my freedom in everyday life. If it wasn’t for supporters like you, I know that I would not be the person that I am today.