Kaitlyn – 2017 Graduate

When I was eight, my parents got divorced. I blamed myself and had a lot of shame. I put on a brave front and thought I had to be what others wanted me to be, when inside I was hurting and crying. At age 15, I was in a relationship that turned out to be abusive both mentally and sexually. He forced me to look at pornographic images and would tell me I would never be as beautiful as other women we would see. I developed an eating disorder and a pornography addiction. After the relationship ended, he stalked me for almost two years, and I developed PTSD from the traumatic events that took place in that relationship. At age 19, I married a man that was very abusive. I felt like I was worthless inside and that I would never be good enough for anyone. My husband would also force me to watch pornography. I felt like an object to be used. I had my first suicide attempt during this marriage. I got divorced, and this led me down a path of feeling like a failure. I felt like I wasn’t worthy of anything, so I became promiscuous and began drinking and partying. I was very suicidal and would do anything to numb the suffering I felt inside.

In 2010, I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior at an Amway conference, and I knew from there that I wanted nothing more than to serve this Savior. At the conference, they had a video about Mercy Multiplied, and I had such a strong pull towards it that I began donating to Mercy. In 2015, I was assaulted by a man in a park, and that sent me into this deep depression again. I turned away from people in the church, and all I wanted to do was go to work and back. I isolated myself. My friend had just graduated from the Nashville Mercy home, so I decided to apply. But my depression worsened, and I became suicidal again. When my grandmother passed away, I didn’t know what else to do with myself. I heard God say to me, apply to Mercy.

When I arrived at Mercy, I knew I had to be totally committed. Right away, we had a guest speaker that really impacted me. God opened my eyes to see that I had lived my life trying to be something that I wasn’t. He started really bringing rest to my soul. Another turning point in my journey, was when we did an exercise called “power board.” We threw clay at a board, and I said everything I felt towards the person who hurt me and spoke what God says of me aloud. It was the most empowering and releasing thing I have ever done in my life. The conferences we attended also brought so much healing and restoration to my life.

I cannot put into words what God has done for me while at Mercy. He has healed me from the emotional turmoil that I was in for so long, and He is continuing to restore my life and giving me a sense of dignity and hope. He has brought me into the fullness of His presence and helped me see I am free to be who He created me to be. I have learned the power of vulnerability and how much God shows His strength through that. He is my strength. There is nothing I can do apart from Him. My identity is found in Him and nothing else. I get to be me and let Jesus shine out of everything I do. God pursued me and showed me what a great Father He is. He fights for me, and He is with me always.

After Mercy, I plan to go home and work for a while, but eventually go back to school to become a counselor. My dream is to either create or be a part of an organization that helps other people who are suffering find healing and freedom in Christ. I also want to be a part of raising awareness and help fight human trafficking. I just want to live a life that glorifies God and fulfills the destiny that He has planned for me.

Mercy donors, there aren’t enough words to say thank you. You have no idea what this program does for people. The opportunity to attend Mercy is an honor, especially the ability to stay for free. I do not take that lightly and am forever grateful to all who donate and are a part of supporting Mercy Multiplied. You are a part of lives being transformed and changed, including mine.