“This year started off with me on top of the mountain, my eyes focused on Christ alone. I shared my testimony back in March for the first time. It was about the 7 years I’d spent in the wilderness when I fell out of the church at 21 years old, making horrible life choices, focused on self, and living in oppression. I shared how God pulled me from the darkness and led me back home. It was about how His love and grace never left me and the moment when I fully surrendered my life to Him and began to live again as His daughter. It got real. I confessed to my peers how I still struggle with addiction as a Christian.
After that night, things started to shift. My addiction got worse, I was consumed with fear and began to isolate. The “voices” came back and I started to believe what they had to say over God’s truth. My friend told me that she was going to sign up for Keys to Freedom. No questions asked, I just knew I had to sign up. I had NO idea what I was getting myself into. In 2019, I walked into the classroom, found my name at my table and felt peace for the first time in six months. The women at my table were placed together for this divine appointment by God.
In the beginning, my mind was set that God was going to free me from the things that happened to me in my childhood. I was sexually abused by a neighborhood kid and a close family member. I tried to enter Keys to Freedom clean and sober, but the reality is that I was high 7 out of the 8 weeks of class. But I was determined and asked God to show me what freedom looks like.
I’m so thankful I didn’t have to go through this process alone. The friend I joined the class with entered my life the day I shared my testimony. At first, I was jealous of her. She was everything I wished I could be – beautiful and bold. I fought really hard to keep her at “arms distance,” but God had other plans. He placed this girl in every situation in my life, including Keys to Freedom.
After class, we would talk, and through those moments God showed me one of the things in which I needed freedom: my relationships with other women. My whole life, I had been a “guys girl,” always hanging out with the boys. I was constantly comparing, being jealous and hating other girls. As my friend and I started to learn how to trust each other, we learned how to love unconditionally and forgive others so that we could love boldly as Christ loves us. Through the sisterhood, I stopped comparing and learned that I need to love myself and be confident in my identity in Christ so I can love others no matter what!!! Through the relationship, there was healing.
As God worked, the expectation I put on this class slowly went away. I dealt with a bit of a health scare three weeks into the class. I was overwhelmed. The doctor said I needed a biopsy, and in that moment, the lies surrounded me. I thought I was being punished for my sexual past.
I had to wait three weeks for the results. During the waiting, He revealed the second thing I needed freedom from. He showed me that I had no control over the things that happened to me as a child. I already had forgiven my abusers in that season, but the root of addiction was so deep because I hadn’t forgiven myself of the decisions I made as an adult when I was in the wilderness. I abused my body and put myself in sketchy situations because I hated myself. I hadn’t wanted to deal with the guilt and shame, so I numbed myself every single day. I used weed to bypass the healing. It was a false peace, and He wanted me to see that He is my refuge.
I had been living with one foot in and one foot out. It made my life complete chaos. I finally and honestly surrendered marijuana to God. The next day, He blessed me with negative results. I was cancer free. He revealed to me that the spot on my body was a physical manifestation of a scar representing that the wound was once opened and now it is closed. I was truly restored and forgave myself.
Key #6, Choosing Freedom Over Oppression, was the final step towards my COMPLETE FREEDOM. It was about renewing your mind and immersing myself in His Word every day and declaring the Word over my life instead of the lies. God taught me that His truth is everything. I learned how to use my authority and now the enemy can’t touch me. I’m a child of God and I’m made whole through his Son, Jesus Christ. I know the truth and I’m free.
Keys to Freedom changed my life. This year has been a year of being humbled, sanctified, and foundation-building. I’m walking with confidence in who Christ made me. I’m no longer giving people power over me. I died to self and worldly pleasure. Now I can do what I’m called to do, which is love my neighbor as I love myself. It was an end to a season, and now I can walk to the next. Free and whole.
My calling is huge and his love for me is unfailing. Thank you, Jesus, for Your Word and this study. It has changed my life.”