I was raised in a non-Christian home. From a young age, I was made fun of for my weight and other physical features. Along with that, my friends rejected me, and I never felt that I had a place to fit in. This caused a deep root of shame, rejection and isolation. My perception of my body also became warped from being exposed to pornography. At age 12, my parents divorced, and I was left feeling emotionally and physically abandoned. I began to feel the need to be self-sufficient and became depressed. I also began drinking and doing drugs. When I was 13, I was sexually abused by a man twice my age. I began self-harming and dove deeper into my drug and alcohol addictions to cope with the pain. I thought my weight was to blame for my life being so miserable and for being rejected. I began binging and purging. I sought help from a counselor and government treatment centers, but they just gave me false identities. I accepted Christ into my heart at the age of 18 and did really well for a while. However, because I never dealt with the root issues of my addictions and wasn’t taught spiritual tools, I relapsed on drugs and alcohol just before reaching two years of sobriety. My addiction escalated quickly. I began living on the streets and became involved in illegal activities and unsafe situations with men. I was also in a codependent relationship with a guy who enabled my connection with drugs. I felt myself slipping back into my old lifestyle, and I got scared.
My sponsor in Celebrate Recovery told me about Mercy. I knew that I needed professional help. I was miserable and hated myself. I decided to apply. When I arrived, I had many walls up and felt like it was just going to be another treatment center I was going to have to do on my own. However, it only took God a week to confirm that I was safe and where I needed to be.
Through a speaker that came to the Mercy home, I realized that God had always been here for me and that He intimately knew the pain I had suffered. I realized that God has amazing plans for my life, which reawakened the desires of my heart and gave me hope again. This was a major turning point for me and took a huge weight off of me to know that I didn’t have to try to change myself in order to have a happy life. I also had major breakthrough when I realized that God fully accepts me. This had a huge impact on my self-esteem and body image.
While I was at Mercy, God broke through many of the lies I believed, including that I am hopeless because of my body, and that I was to blame for being sexually abused. God allowed me to be vulnerable and sensitive. He has replaced my deep roots of depression and shame with incredible joy. I learned that I am God’s beloved daughter and that He made me perfect for the plans He has for me.
After graduating from Mercy, I am going to a Christian transitional home where I will connect back into my support system and return to my volunteer position with Youth for Christ. I hope to develop the talents God has given me to work with kids. Later on down the road, I want to get married, have lots of babies and fulfill God’s plans for my life.
Thank you so much to the Mercy donors for supporting me. Thanks to you, I had the opportunity to become secure in who I am in Christ and learn tools that will enable me to be successful in life. I can’t even explain the gratitude I have for your love and support. My life is forever changed because of you.