Growing up I learned to internalize my emotions, and I really only cared about pleasing other people. From a young age, rejection, fear and worthlessness became rooted in my heart. I put my worth and value in how I looked. I hated myself and began to find ways to gain attention or approval. I was sexually abused, raped and struggled with an eating disorder. In order to stay in control, I put on different “masks” for the next 10 years. I was in so much deception that I pushed memories away and saw my life as perfect. However, the truth always finds a way out, and it unraveled me to my very core. When memories started surfacing, I became extremely depressed. My eating disorder became worse. I started self-harming and having suicidal thoughts. My life was spiraling downhill fast. The control I thought I had was actually controlling me. I couldn’t pretend I was fine anymore. I knew I needed help.
I found out about Mercy when Founder and President, Nancy Alcorn, spoke at my home church. I had multiple people in my life who graduated from the program. They helped me through the application process. They really encouraged me when my hope of a different life had completely disappeared. When I came to Mercy, I was in denial and functioned through walls of facades and people pleasing.
At Mercy God really revealed to me the authority and power I have when I trust Him to use my voice. A big turning point for me was truly grasping the fact that I am not a bad person just because a negative thought comes in my head. The thought may come, but I have the choice to reject it and respond in a way that brings truth and light to my actions that follow. God is so good, and He remains faithful even through the pain!
While in the program, I realized I have every right to value myself, respect myself and be self-compassionate by cultivating kindness instead of denying my needs. God restored my identity, covered me in grace and completely transformed my life! Where everything was once gray and black, colors seem to catch me by surprise every time I look out the window. These colors make me come alive again!
After graduating from Mercy, I am so excited to continue helping and sharing what I have learned with women who are in the sex industry or who are sex-trafficked. I want to teach yoga and help other women find strength and trust in their bodies. One of my biggest dreams is to be a whole, healthy and grace-filled momma to babies running barefoot, wild and free. I can’t wait to have a family that loves hard and loves the Lord wholeheartedly.
I am so grateful for the staff at Mercy for loving me through the messiest part of my life and for believing in who they know I truly am. The staff and everyone that supports Mercy have loved me unconditionally, and I will forever be thankful that Mercy saved my life.