I entered into the world with a mom who was addicted to drugs and a father who was an alcoholic. My mom was in and out of my life throughout my early childhood, until she graduated from a rehab program when I was eight years old. I only saw my father a few times a year. When he did visit, he would always call me fat, ugly, stupid, and so on. I saw him for the last time when I was 12. On top of this, I was bullied and had no friends. All of this combined made me feel very rejected and abandoned. I struggled with anorexia when I was 12 and 15. I sought attention from any guy who took time to notice me. I lost my virginity when I was 13, which started a cycle of giving myself away to men so I could feel loved and wanted. I truly believed that would be the only thing I would ever be good for. I began self-harming when I was 13 and started to have suicidal thoughts as well. The suicidal thoughts increased each year to the point where I would have them every day, almost all day long.
I found out about the Mercy program through my mother’s co-worker who is a Mercy graduate. My mom told me about Mercy while I was in a crisis unit because of my severe suicidal thoughts. Four months later, I knew I needed to apply when I had to leave my job due to having a panic attack while I was on the clock at work. I knew the only thing that had a chance of helping me was a Christian program.
There are three main events that impacted me throughout my journey to freedom at Mercy. The first was realizing that God is my ultimate, perfect Father, and although my earthly father rejected and abandoned me, my Heavenly Father—my Abba—never will. He promised to never leave me, nor forsake me. I have also forgiven myself for giving myself away to all the men who used me, hurt me, and abandoned me. Through forgiving myself and receiving God’s forgiveness, I was able to truly forgive those men and finally let go of every hurt and pain they have caused me. I found that even though I have physically lost my purity, I have regained my spiritual purity through Jesus Christ. Finally, I learned how to take my thoughts captive and bring them into the obedience of Christ to renew my mind. I learned how to align my thoughts with the Word of God through declaring His promises over myself.
After Mercy, I will be working in my family’s produce business as my uncle’s assistant. I will be volunteering in the nursery and in the kids’ ministry at church, with a goal to be more involved with teen ministry. I plan on getting my degree in Early Childhood Education. I desire to become a youth counselor or a teacher, but my first step is to work on receiving my degree and see where God wants to take me from there.
I would like to thank Mercy’s supporters. Without their generous donations, I wouldn’t have been able to come to Mercy and find true freedom that Jesus has always desired for me to have.