Bryce – 2015 Graduate

While I was raised in a Christian home, I didn’t have a personal relationship with God or understand who He was. From a young age I struggled with low self-esteem and poor body image. I was very shy and rarely talked. My quietness was often misinterpreted by others which left me feeling alone and like something was wrong with me. In high school, my depression and self-hatred grew worse, and I began to voice my hatred by cutting. I also began to restrict my food. By 14, I was bulimic, and my excessive purging affected not only my academics, but also my athletic ability. I lost motivation and interest in everything. Instead of talking about my pain, I stuffed everything inside and shut down emotionally. I became suicidal and attempted to take my life several times. I began seeking comfort in inappropriate sexual behaviors as well as abusing pills to numb myself to the emptiness. Life was so dark and tormenting. Soon my destructive behaviors were discovered and my parents tried to get me help, but I pushed away. I began to hate my mother, whom I’d always adored. My world shattered when my mom suddenly died of stage 4 liver cancer. I felt something inside me shut off and from that moment God became dead to me. I ran from Him and I ran hard. I began to drink and smoke to cope with the loss, and my life spiraled out of control. Shortly after I entered an inappropriate relationship with a married man and later got engaged to him. His dominating character also allowed me to be silent, freeing me from ever having to be known.

Worried I wouldn’t live out the year, my family approached me about getting help. They told me about Mercy, but I was very resistant to go anywhere that had to do with God. However, I applied and walked into Mercy walled-up, hard-hearted and scared. I was very skeptical of any love that was shown to me and used my anger to keep people at arm’s length.

My turning points at Mercy were slow, as little by little I started to want freedom. At one point everything was put into perspective–how much I not only wanted to be at Mercy, but needed to be at Mercy.

My time at Mercy was intense and the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. It was hard for me to connect to emotions I’d long since buried and disconnected from. Slowly, God brought feeling back to what had become numb. Learning the character of God helped me little by little trust Him, allowing Him access to the broken, hurting places. He walked with me as I battled my eating disorder. He’s helping restore my distorted view of sex and has loosened the grip of lust on my life. He has taught me the beauty of intimacy between him and others. He loved me through my anger and questions about my mom’s death. While I am still in the grieving process, I know God will continue to bring healing and comfort. The last few months of my stay, God finally tore down my walls, and it was like a dam breaking. All the emotions and tears I’d held in for years poured out.

After Mercy I plan on getting adjusted back into life, going to school and getting grounded in a church. I have a heart for girls who face similar struggles that I have and have hopes of becoming a counselor at Mercy. I have dreams of writing books, as well as becoming a wife and mom.

Thank you to all the Mercy supporters for allowing me a second chance at life. God has brought me from death into life. I never imagined a life with hope and happiness. God has turned my darkness into light, and it’s only because I found Him that I am alive today.