My life was “fake” before I came to Mercy. I hid behind my bubbly personality, afraid that if people knew who I really was they would hate me and not want to be my friend. I was dependent on my twin to make friends and constantly compared myself to her. I was an internal perfectionist and put high expectations on myself that I could never meet. To deal with my failure and the emotions I couldn’t express, I started self-harming. I grew extremely depressed in high school, and my endless self-hate led to a pornography addiction. I was so insecure that I tried to numb my feelings. I thought God hated me because I was so back and forth with Him. I never had a true relationship with God until I came to Mercy.
I found out about Mercy through my mom. I decided to apply because I couldn’t afford any other programs, and I knew I needed more help than I had received at previous treatment centers.
When I first came to Mercy, I was not prepared to face my problems. I thought I would learn to cope with my struggles and emotions. I didn’t realize that true healing did not mean coping. At first, I hated the worship sessions because I had feelings of hate towards God. I thought He didn’t love me. I wasn’t applying the things I was learning in the program, so I wasn’t gaining any true freedom from my issues. I tried to fake being happy, but it didn’t last. I went through the motions because I wasn’t quite ready to let go of my addictions.
After 90 days of being at Mercy, the staff encouraged me to finally make a choice. They told me I couldn’t keep straddling the fence with God. I was mad at first, but then I chose life with God instead of death without Him.
Since that decision, God has done so much for me. He’s shown me that He does love me and doesn’t hate me. He’s shown me what real freedom looks like. I have learned to be my own individual apart from my twin. I have no desire to self-harm again, and I’m free from depression.
After I graduate, I plan on working for a few months and then focusing on going into the medical/nursing field.
Dear Mercy partners, thank you so much for sacrificing your time, efforts and resources for me to have a place to go to gain healing and freedom. I’m so thankful to God for all that He has done in me so I can live an abundant life and help others live an abundant life, too! May God bless you extravagantly!