Ashley – 2015 Graduate

When I was very young my parents got divorced, so I never knew what it was like to experience the wholeness of a family. I began to fill the void in my heart with several other relationships. I was molested by a friend in grade school and pretended it did not happen. This friendship led to a lot of shame and contributed to a pornography addiction later on. Several times in high school I went from being very on fire for God to returning to my old cycles of behavior. My faith and physical appearance often made me a target for physical and verbal bullying at school. I began to believe the lies people would tell me about myself. I became depressed and anxious. I had four suicide attempts, two hospitalizations, and began self-harming to match my internal pain. Then I lost my grandpa, my aunt, and my stepdad all within six months. I took on false responsibility for the death of my stepdad and began to hate God. I also began to further engage in destructive behaviors to escape my pain. However, God was fighting for me as I prepared to enter Mercy.

I found out about Mercy after my last suicide attempt. While in the hospital, a woman from my church came to visit me and together we came across Mercy. I decided to apply because I knew I needed more than what this world had to offer to be healed. What I needed was the transforming hand of God. When I arrived at Mercy, I wanted the healing more than I wanted to endure the process. Although the scars on my skin were healed, the scars on the inside were still bleeding. I debated whether or not I wanted to choose life over death. I was hurting and unsure if God still wanted me.

I began to find hope through various aspects of the program at Mercy. It was so important for me to hear truth through different teachings. I found so much healing by bringing my wounds out of the darkness and into the light and by serving others. I also found that the daily practices of prayer, time with God, Bible reading, and worship helped change my perspective.

While at Mercy, I dealt with many of the core issues I’ve been denying for most of my life. I realized that there isn’t anything I can do to make God love me any more or any less. He is the perfect father. I learned that the real person to be angry at is the enemy. God is not the creator of my pain. I discovered that God isn’t about treatment but about transformation. I accepted that forgiveness is a decision, not a feeling. I’ve learned who I am in Christ and that my body is a temple of God. God healed my life hurts, restored that which was lost, and gave me complete freedom. I can finally say I have victory through my surrender! My battle is won by what Christ did for me on the cross.

After Mercy, I plan on going to a ministry school at my church. I want to become a children’s pastor and also do missions work. I want to someday get married and have a family of my own. I’m excited for all that God has placed on my heart. I plan on using what the enemy intended for harm for God’s glory. I can’t wait to pour out onto others what God has filled me up with!

I want to say thank you to all the Mercy donors for not just supporting Mercy girls through your finances but through your prayers as well. You have made it possible for me to be led to freedom and be brought back to the Lord. If I didn’t come to Mercy, I wouldn’t be alive.