Abi – 2014 Graduate
I was raised in a loving, Christian home with four siblings. I have a beautiful family and lots of wonderful memories from my childhood. I began my own walk with the Lord when I was really young. My parents didn’t know that I was molested on several occasions by neighborhood kids. I knew that what had happened was wrong, but I was too young to fully understand it, so I took a lot of shame and embarrassment from those events. When I was in 6th grade, one of my sisters was rushed to the hospital after trying to commit suicide by drug overdose. She survived, but from that day on my life was never the same. Anxiety spread to every area of my life. I began having anxiety attacks at school and lived in constant fear. I began restricting my food and purging whenever I ate. Transitioning from my small private school to a large public high school only worsened my anxiety and depression, but on the outside I tried my best to appear like I had it all together. I was Homecoming Queen with the reputation of a “good Christian girl.” Truth be told, I didn’t feel like I fit in anywhere, and I didn’t know who I was. After I graduated high school, I continued to have violent panic attacks. I began attending community college and getting counseling, although it didn’t help as much as I’d hoped. Because of the stress and anxiety, I lost a significant amount of weight. I was immersed in self-hatred, and I felt like a failure. Suicidal thoughts become more and more frequent.
One night I confessed to my best friend that I was contemplating suicide, and I couldn’t afford getting any kind of treatment for my depression or anxiety. She mentioned Mercy to me and sent me a link to the website that night. I began the application process immediately the next day. While I was still applying to Mercy, my sister was admitted to the hospital because of a drug overdose. She passed away right before my eyes. At first I felt emotionally paralyzed, but then I became completely undone. It took all the strength left in me to finish my application. I found out I was accepted to Mercy on the day my sister would have turned 25. This news was a ray of hope in my darkest hour.
Probably one of the biggest turning points for me at Mercy was when I was able to recognize and deal with the anger I felt towards God. I learned that Satan will wreak havoc in our lives but then tell us to blame God. Suddenly, it clicked for me. I began to see where Jesus was in midst of the traumatic experiences of my life.
At Mercy, I learned how to have a balanced diet, maintain a healthy weight, and exercise regularly. Physically, I am the fittest and healthiest I have been in my adult life. Emotionally, I have become stable. God has given me peace and I know now that I have the ability to make good decisions, regardless of how I am feeling. Spiritually, I am more in love with God than I have ever been. I have joy now and I am actually able to enjoy my life, both of which I never thought were possible.
After I graduate Mercy, I am looking forward to moving back to my hometown, going on short-term missions trips, and even raising funds to give back to Mercy. I want to work in full-time ministry to help people and mentor young women. God has given me a heart that longs for adventure, so I plan on trying a lot of amazing things like cliff jumping, hiking the Himalayas, running a marathon, and seeing the world.