I had a pretty decent childhood; however, I experienced a lot of hurt because of how my parents tried coping with their own hurts. There was a lot of fighting and division in my family, which caused me to become the care-taker and peace-maker in for years. A lot of my needs were left unmet, so I learned to be self-sufficient. I didn’t grow up in church, but I always longed for a relationship with Jesus. I thought I wasn’t worthy enough for Him and decided to ignore this desire. Throughout these years, I got caught up in substance abuse, sexual abuse, and unhealthy relationships, during which I experienced severe depression and anxiety that became life-controlled. I lost all hope and tried taking my own life. Before Mercy I lost the will to live and had lost all hope.
I found out about Mercy through a friend who came across the website when she was searching for potential places for me to go. I decided to apply because I loved the story of how Nancy opened Mercy and because I knew I needed help. I was completely hopeless and I knew Mercy was my last chance. When I arrived, I was completely terrified, guarded and hurting; however I was willing to do whatever I had to do because I knew I couldn’t last any longer the way I had been.
One turning point for me at Mercy was when I was in my room crying, begging God to let me go home or just let me die. It was only my 3rd day and I was already so home sick and sad. I told God if He let me leave I’d obey anything He told me to do. He told me to obey Him now and stay at Mercy. Another moment that was impactful was in my second evaluation when the evaluator told me that I was doing everything I needed to do and that I was doing well, but I had to stop minimizing everything I’ve been through. She said it was time to realize that I’ve been through some tough things. That was the moment that God really came into my heart and started healing and redeeming some very painful experiences.
At Mercy, God built my faith and taught me that I can trust Him completely. He showed me the importance of having balance in my life and how to have self compassion. He also showed me that I was made for relationships and that it is necessary to need him and others. I don’t have to do everything on my own now. He delivered me from depression and brought healing and forgiveness. He’s restored relationships and has given me a new confidence and peace in Him.
After Mercy, I will move home until I raise enough money to fully support myself. I want to get a job as a nanny and start back at school in the fall to continue working on getting my Master’s Degree in social work.
To Nancy and everyone who played a part in allowing this Mercy journey to be possible for me, thank you so much. Due to your obedience and your love for Jesus, you helped me get my life back. I will always be grateful.