Talissa – 2014 Graduate
I was a pastor’s kid and raised in church my whole life. I always tried to be good because I felt like a huge magnifying glass was on me at all time. I was sexually abused at a very young age, and my parents took me to counseling, but the counselor advised my parents to let me go on with my life saying I would forget about it in time because I was so young. Unfortunately, I did not forget, and I experienced sexual thoughts and desires all throughout elementary school. I didn’t really understand these things and was embarrassed by them, so I just kept quiet. As I grew older, I was very insecure and sought out affection from whoever would give it to me. This led to getting tangled up in unhealthy sexual relationships with friends and adults. When we moved out of state at the beginning of high school, I started trying to fill my emptiness in dangerous places online. Chat room visits turned into pornography addiction, sometimes keeping me awake for several nights in a row. All this was happening while I was attending Bible school and appearing to be this good little Christian girl.
The church I attended has supported Mercy for years. I even had many friends who were graduates of the program and who encouraged me to look into it. I decided to apply because I had been trying to “fix” myself for a long time, but I wasn’t getting anywhere. I knew there was no way I would be able to fulfill God’s purpose for me if I didn’t receive help, and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that Mercy was for me! When I arrived, I was very broken and alone. I had so much shame, guilt, and condemnation weighing on me that my emotions were out of control.
Completing the counseling modules about renewing the mind and choosing to forgive is where I saw the biggest shift in my healing process. I had so much filth in my mind from my addictions, but I began to renew my mind and was able to displace immoral thoughts with the ones Philippians 4:8 talks about—honorable, pure and lovely thoughts. Then when I forgave others and myself, it was like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I could finally breathe and become the woman of God He designed me to be. I feel whole now. The emptiness I felt inside that left me searching has now been filled. I know that I am loved, wanted, worthy, and beautiful, and that God has great plans in store for me. I have also learned that nothing from my past disqualifies me for what God has for me in my future! I have learned that He is a redeeming, loving God! He is taking my mess and using it for His MESSage!
When I graduate from Mercy, I will be moving back home. I will be doing an internship at my church so I can learn more about what God has called me to do. I plan to finish Bible school and get my credentials to be an ordained pastor. God has given me big dreams of being an evangelist and missionary, preaching all over the world. I hope to write a book someday to share all God has done in my life and how He is an amazing God of redemption. I just want to be a vessel for God to use to minister to and give hope to others. I am so excited to see all the dreams God has birthed in me come to reality.
I will never stop sharing how Mercy has transformed my life, so other people can hear and support this amazing ministry!