I am 78 years old and have spent my entire life longing to hear God’s voice in a personal way. I grew up in church, feeling close to Jesus, but when others would say, “God told me…” I felt a deep ache. I prayed, studied the Bible, and sought counseling, but no matter what I did, God remained silent.
As a child, I experienced deep loneliness, feeling unseen and unwanted. At 12 years old, that despair led me to attempt to take my own life—but by God’s grace, my little brother found me just in time. As I grew older, I kept searching for connections. I married a man who planned to become a pastor, believing that being close to someone devoted to God might help me hear Him. But after 14 years, our marriage ended. I later remarried a man who attended church but had no personal relationship with Jesus. Through all this, I remained desperate to feel God’s presence the way others seemed to.
When I heard about Mercy Multiplied’s Keys to Freedom Retreat, something in my heart leaped. I came with one desire: ”I want to hear God and finally feel the joy of the Lord.”
At the retreat, I learned two life-changing truths:
- I could connect with God personally. I had always felt close to Jesus and the Holy Spirit but struggled with the idea of God the Father being distant.
- Healing comes from addressing the root, not just the surface. I realized I carried deep-seated anger toward God for not speaking to me in ways I expected.
During a time of reflection, I confronted a painful memory of my father. He was a good man, but he rarely showed affection. One of the only times he ever hugged me was in his final days when, in a moment of confusion and desperation, he clung to me, crying, “Please don’t go.” That moment crushed me. I had unknowingly projected that pain onto God, believing He had abandoned me, too.
At the retreat, I finally asked God, ”Where were You when that happened?” And for the first time, I heard Him answer: ”I was hovering over you.” In that moment, decades of pain melted away. I realized God had always been with me, even when I couldn’t perceive Him.
The following day, I woke up overflowing with the joy of the Lord. I felt light, free, and deeply loved by God the Father for the first time.
Attending the Keys to Freedom Retreat changed my life. After nearly 80 years of searching, God answered the cry of my heart. I wake up daily knowing I am heard, loved, and free.
Don’t give up if you long for a breakthrough, no matter how long you’ve waited. God will meet you.