My childhood was filled with abuse and neglect. I started punishing myself at age 4, and by age 5 I believed I was a bad person. When I was 11, I was put on a diet, which began my unhealthy relationship with food. I was praised if I lost weight and shunned if I gained weight. Throughout my life, I constantly would hide food and binge eat.
I started receiving basement punishments, where I would stay in the basement and be given bags of food and bottles of water. I was told I had to earn my way into my family, but nothing I did was good enough. I’d constantly come home from school to find out that I was home alone for the weekend. I developed a pornography addiction, and I was also introduced to a website where I could video chat with strangers, which led to me seeking my worth in men.
The summer I turned 12, I experienced the worst mental, physical, and emotional abuse that I ever had. I was severely punished for everything, and I was too scared to tell anyone about what I experienced. In 2014, a close family member committed suicide, and I felt like I lost the only person in the world who actually cared about me, which led to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-hatred.
When I was 13, a friend introduced me to self-harm, which became an immediate addiction for me. I talked to a pastor about my self-harm and was told to make a promise to God that I would never self-harm again. When I relapsed, I was told I was going to hell, and I lost hope after that. Going into adulthood, my life started falling apart. I was in and out of the hospital for self-harm and suicide attempts, which led me to apply to Mercy.
When I walked into the doors of Mercy, I was met with a lot of love and acceptance. Truth statements helped me battle the lies I believed since I was a kid. I learned how to love myself and that I didn’t have to punish myself, because Jesus took the punishment upon Himself. I also learned how to like myself for who I am and how to have a healthy relationship with food. I established a relationship with God and started being in communication with Him in ways I had never experienced before.
I received healing from my past, and I also had my future secured. I no longer had to wonder if I was going to live my whole life struggling, believing that suicide was the only option. Jesus became my only option, and my life has been completely changed because of it.
Thank you so much for your obedience! Because you said “yes” to giving, now I am healing and walking in a new way of life, one I’ve never experienced before. Thank you for caring and wanting to help us as Mercy residents. It does make a difference!