Belle – 2017 Graduate

I grew up in a Christian family. In elementary school I was severely bullied about my appearance and weight. I became bitter towards my parents and the church because I didn’t feel they were giving me the attention and help I needed. By the time I hit middle school, I became obsessed with trying to be perfect for everyone. I altered my appearance in hopes I would be the “perfect girl” for the boys.  I went to church and was involved in youth group in hopes to be the “perfect daughter” for my parents. I gossiped and was rude in hopes to be a “perfect friend” for the “cool girls.” Aside from all the masks, I found my escape in soccer. When I was on the field, I could be myself. This lasted for a while, then soccer became another area I felt I had to be perfect. I wanted to be the best player on the best team.

I became depressed and was diagnosed with anxiety and depression disorder by the time I was in 8th grade. In high school, I became involved with boys. This put me in bad situations. I went over to a boy’s house, and for the first time I got drunk, and that night I was raped. I felt so terrible and gross, but blew it off. I was playing soccer, which allowed me to take out all my pent-up emotions and helped me through all I was dealing with. Until that winter at a soccer practice when I broke my hip, and my whole world came crashing down. The one thing that helped me, the one thing I believed I was any good at, was taken from me, and I was devastated.

After I could walk again, I turned to partying. I would do anything possible to numb the emptiness inside of me. I was living in a hell of my own creation, and I didn’t know how I was ever going to get out. I became very suicidal and was in and out of hospitals for attempted suicide. I cried out to God with the simple question: Why? Why did my life have to be this way? I started selling my body to get some extra money. Full of guilt and shame, I knew if I didn’t change the way I was living, it would be bad. So, I told God it was His last chance, and I applied to Mercy Multiplied.

I learned about Mercy Multiplied through my parents. I decided to apply because I knew that if I didn’t come, I would probably never get the help I needed. When I arrived, I was very insecure and closed off. I was so depressed.

While at Mercy, I had many major turning points. The biggest turning point was when I surrendered my life to the Lord. Also, the moment I was completely open and honest with my counselor and really brought all my issues to light. The years of walls and shame were torn down, and I am now finally able to be open and completely myself.

God has changed my life completely. He took my death and traded it in for His life, my mourning for His gladness, and my shame for His freedom. I am completely transformed. God brought breakthroughs to areas of my life I thought I could never overcome. He showed me that He does not condemn me for my past mistakes, but constantly welcomes me with open arms. I have experienced the true, living God, and I will never be the same again.

After Mercy, I plan to go to college and study pre-medicine. I am going to get involved with churches and hopefully get to share my story and Jesus with anyone who will listen.

Mercy supporters, thank you so very much for all your donations. This program has CHANGED my entire life, and I will never be the same because of it. I am so thankful to all the donors for their support of this ministry and me. Although I do not know you all, you all have been a huge part of my journey, and I am so grateful.