Rachel – 2017 Graduate

I grew up in a Christian household with my mom, stepdad, brother, and sister. Growing up, I remember a lot of chaos and feeling a lot of anxiety and fear. When I was eight, I decided to get baptized and asked Jesus into my heart at the church we attended. During that year, my mom and stepdad got divorced, which was devastating. When I was 11, my stepdad moved to San Antonio and took my brother and sister with him. I was left with my mom who was living with severe depression. Both of us ended up in this continuous cycle of codependency. I began taking more responsibility than I should have, but both my mom and I did the best we could. I was filled with a lot of anger at my stepdad for leaving me. I felt really rejected, abandoned, and neglected by both of my parents. In order to deal with the pain, I started self-harming at the age of 13. I believed that I was bad and unworthy of love and affection.

When I was 14, I was in a very emotionally abusive friendship. Our friendship seemed one-way, that she wanted me to save her and I was not allowed to have problems. That unhealthy friendship lasted for seven years. When I was 16, I was raped. From that initial assault, he manipulated me for two years into sexually, emotionally, mentally, and verbally abusive relationship that only ended because he went to prison. Within those two years I discovered that I was pregnant, and I had a miscarriage. My ex used my grief to keep me with him longer. After he went to prison, I contemplated taking my own life, which started an escalating cycle of depression, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, and abusive relationships.

Eventually I got away from most of the toxic people in my life, but it only added to the depression because I felt very alone. I ended up hiding behind my schooling and grades, ignoring God’s call for me to work on myself and get the healing that I needed. During my last semester of completing my bachelor’s degree in social work, the depression hit worse than ever, and I had to drop out. I spent another year avoiding all of my pain, until I couldn’t anymore. 

Out of desperation, I reached out on Facebook. A friend of mine from the social work program contacted me and gave me Mercy’s information. The second I saw the website, God told me that that’s where I needed to go. So, after a lot of research, I applied and walked through the doors of Mercy. When I got there, I was very quiet and reserved. I had a lot of walls built up between me, everyone else, and especially God. I didn’t truly believe He cared about my pain or my past. 

I have had so many turning points at Mercy. God gave me so many revelations, and the staff just showed me so much unconditional love and patience. A big turning point was when I realized that my counselor never showed me where I was weak, but where I was strong, which allowed me to see it in myself. 

Through Mercy, God showed me how much He loved me, how heartbroken I really was, and how He recognized my pain and wanted to heal me. God showed me where He was through it all. He had me be baptized at age eight because He knew everything that was going to happen. He showed me that through all of that, He was there, in my heart, keeping me alive. He showed me that I wasn’t bad, but that I was loved, valued beyond measure, and strong. He’s set me free from self-harm and has taught me that He is faithful. He has taught me that no matter what I went through, He was in my heart first and He has held me up. He’s taught me what David meant when he called God his refuge and fortress.

After I graduate from Mercy, I will be getting a job. I’ll continue attending my home church. Eventually, I want to become a licensed Clinical Social Worker and have my own practice. I want to work with Christians and non-believers to help them receive the same freedom God has given me.

I am so thankful to the Mercy staff for showing me unconditional love and acceptance. I am so thankful to Nancy for following God and opening Mercy for all of us. I’m also thankful to all the donors for helping to sustain this safe place where we can get to know God and be set free from the darkness.