Alexandra – 2017 Graduate

When I was a baby, my parents got divorced, so growing up, I don’t really remember my biological father. My mom remarried when I was a toddler, so I grew up with a stepdad. As a child, things were pretty average. I had a lot of siblings. Money was always tight, but my mom and grandparents worked really hard so that my siblings and I could do our extracurricular activities. I was a competitive dancer. I loved to dance. It was one of my favorite things in the world, but I grew up with a negative self-image because I felt pressured to look a certain way. When I was in middle school, my mom became very sick. It was hard for her to care for me and my siblings. I began to self-harm in 6th grade to cope with the stress and loneliness I felt. Before high school, my parents got divorced, and I slipped into a deep depression. I was getting bullied by the girls at school, which only fed into my negative self- image. As my depression worsened, and I started to get involved in competitive dance again, I stopped eating.

My freshman year of high school I was hospitalized twice for suicide attempts and was diagnosed with an eating disorder, depression, and anxiety. After my second hospitalization, I started using drugs, which consumed my life. I used anything I could find to take away my feelings. I started being promiscuous with boys and was raped while I was doing drugs at a friend’s house. I felt like I didn’t deserve anything better and continued in the downward spiral I was on. At the end of my sophomore year, I was injured and had to have surgery and stop dancing. I was so angry at God because I felt like He took my favorite thing away from me. Around the same time, I got expelled from school for drug possession. I didn’t see any future for myself. A couple months after this, I got a job. I began a relationship with an older man, and I was abused in every way. This went on for several months, and I felt so trapped. After receiving several threats from my abuser, I attempted suicide a third time, and was hospitalized again. I wouldn’t be standing here if it wasn’t for God’s grace.

I heard about Mercy from my mom. She told me about it after several people at my church recommended it. I applied to Mercy because I wanted freedom. When I walked through the doors of Mercy, I hated myself and was angry at God. I was hiding my pain and brokenness behind a fake smile and loud personality. I shut off my ability to feel real emotions.

One crucial turning point for me in the program is when we attended the Designed for Life Conference. At the conference, I realized that God really did love me and didn’t orchestrate all the bad things that happened in my past. The second night of the conference, I rededicated my life to Christ, and my process at Mercy took an upward turn. It made me want to live to see what God had for me.

The time I spent at Mercy has changed my life. It was the most amazing, but also the most difficult thing I ever experienced. I learned so much at Mercy; I learned things that I will carry for the rest of my life. When I arrived at Mercy, I couldn’t stand the thought of anything being out of my control. I hated myself, and I thought I was incapable of being loved. Through lots of tears, counseling sessions, and talks with weekend staff, I now know that none of those things are correct.

In my journey at Mercy, the biggest thing that I learned was to give complete control to God. Something I never thought I could do is now the most important part of my life. I can’t imagine my life without God in control now. Surrendering to Him was the best, but also toughest, decision I made. I learned to love myself while I was here and that is something I never thought would happen either. I’ve fallen in love with every little detail that God has created about me, and I couldn’t be happier with all the progress that I have made. Being at Mercy, I learned how to have relationships with other people. I’ve learned that it’s okay to let other people in, and I’m worthy and capable of being loved.

God has placed so many big dreams in my heart. After Mercy, I’ll be going through a nine-month discipleship and internship program. I’m going to get involved as a volunteer at my church, and I’m looking forward to spending time with my family and friends. Next year, I plan on moving to Uganda for a year to work with a missions organization.

I want to say a huge ‘thank you’ to all the people that donate to Mercy. I wouldn’t have been able to receive the healing that I have without your contributions. Your donations have made a huge impact on my life and on countless other girls who have come through the program.