The way I define my childhood and past is with inconsistency and disconnect. I grew up moving back and forth between different family members, which made me feel like I was really not important. When I started to get attention from the opposite sex, that’s what I began to strive for. In high school, I started dating someone much older than me, and the relationship was very abusive and controlling. Then, I was introduced to drugs and alcohol. It filled the void for a while, but I grew out of it. I began to obsess over pleasing people. In all of my relationships, I believed that if I could make them happy by doing whatever they wanted, I would be happy, and it would keep them from leaving me. Failed relationships led to anxiety and depression and eventually suicide attempts. Several times I had reached out for help- seeking medical help, counseling, and even going to church- I never followed through with it.
I continued to believe that if I would love better, or work harder that I would be worthy, loved, and good enough. After failed suicide attempts, a friend sent me the link to Mercy’s page. I was resistant at first but eventually realized that I needed help. I had my mind and heart set, and I began applying for Mercy.
When I arrived at Mercy Multiplied, I instantly felt loved. I planned from the very beginning that I was going to surrender, obey, and listen to all advice given. The counseling module was exactly what I needed. I pressed into what I learned in class and my assignments. I learned about God’s character and how loved I truly am. I began the process of renewing my mind by controlling my mind— replacing negative thoughts with positive ones by carrying a notebook around writing it out.
I began to seek God and release my past to Him. He showed me how much I can trust him and how much He loves me. I gained freedom from that. Each time I would fall, God would pick me up. He comforted me and reminded me that He has a beautiful plan for me. I realized I didn’t have to be anxious or worry about anything because I know what God’s word says, and I know that He knows the very things that I don’t know. He will take care of me and provide for me, and He will never leave me or forsake me. When trials came up at Mercy, I practiced the principles that I learned through class and counseling. My life no longer revolved around trying to compete for love and focusing on what I can do to win with others. Instead, it revolved around God, His Word, and His promises!
After Mercy, my plans are to be intentional on building my relationship with God and learn what it looks like to have a relationship with Him outside of Mercy. I plan to work at a children’s hospital, and I would love to volunteer at a foster home. If I am able, I plan to join the Military.
Thank you to our donors— without their help, I would not be able to afford to get help. My life is completely transformed. I have a bright future and they all made it possible.