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How to Deal with Difficult People : The Victim

In this episode of MercyTalk, we’ll discuss “The Victim” as part of our series
on how to deal with difficult people. Jen Otero joins us again as we unpack the
victim mentality and how it fosters more problems in our relationships than we
realize. Also, in this episode…
  • Why learning to set boundaries is key to working with those who have a victim mindset
  • How to identify tendencies that enable others
  • Why ownership, responsibility, and honesty are key to fighting the victim in us all

Well hey everyone! If you’re joining us for the first time, we’re in the 4th installment of our “Dealing with Difficult People “series. Today, we’re focusing on how to deal with, “The Victim” mentality in a relationship. This one is a little sneaky because at first glance, “The Victim” seems harmless…I mean, they aren’t bulldozing over anyone, and often times, their weapon of choice is a pity party. However, the victim mindset plays into the idea that they are the innocent ones and everyone else is the cruel offender, responsible for all the pain in their life.

Because we love practicality here at Mercy, we wanted to take a look at how this can affect our relationships. For easy reference, here are some phrases you might hear when dealing with a person who views the world through this sort of lens (or maybe you’re struggling with this yourself).

  • Why me?
  • People like me can’t get ahead
  • This always happens to me

The other thing to remember when dealing with a victim mentality, is that it does not like taking responsibility. Instead, it blames everyone and everything around them. This can become especially manipulative in a relationship when someone playing the role of the victim, continually paints the other person as the bad guy. Then, they use their verbal “pity party” as a weapon to get the other person to rescue them or do whatever they want them to do.

So how can we take responsibility and NOT enable a victim? How can we lovingly set boundaries with those who struggle to take ownership of their actions? The secret here lies in not identifying ourselves as their “savior”. Often times, those struggling with a victim mentality, attract people who enjoy helping others…so much so that these people think it’s their job to save a victim from all of their hurt, pain and problems. However, no human is able to play this role successfully. It also prevents someone with a victim mentality from developing their own confidence, goals and a healthy sense of self worth and ambition in life. If everyone else is responsible for their issues, they will never take any action to get help.

We hope you found today’s episode helpful! If you have any comments, concerns, or new ideas for podcast content in the future, please feel free to send that to us at mercytalk@mercymultiplied.com.

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